why are there things that i want to share but at the same time, want to keep secret? i guess there are some things that are very personal (like today's date, for example) and i want to shout about it from the top of my lungs on the tops of mountains! i really do. i could cause an avalanche today if you let me. out of happiness, don't get me wrong. but at the same time, i feel that no, people will not get it like i do. people will think that i'm overdoing it. or that it's not that important or gratifying. and that definitely shies me away from hollering. also, not sure if it's reputation that's my concern, but if i care about reputation that much, why on earth would i be blogging? the thing is at the same time, when i'm really happy about something, i get giggly and bubbly and just want to tell everyone i know almost. where does that come from? i'm sure other people feel it too, and i don't feel i'm accomplishing much today in my thoughts, but really, why does my happiness work like that? is it just a matter of communication? is that why people make art as well? either way, some things, a lot of people state, are better if kept private. funny notion private x public. funny how a lot of things that were kept private are always now shared and public. when did we start crossing the line? i feel "publicness" is a very contemporary necessity. think of blogs. think of postsecret. think of reality shows. always though, i felt, good art is very personal to the artist. and the more personal the artist gets, the more he/she lets people in and by exposing himself, he/she settles a common ground. is that what i like to do with people i know? settle a common ground? so i run a risk-full life of exhibition aka: art, blogging, being too honest and open for 90% of the population's taste. not sure what my goals are, no. but i don't mind the risks, most of the time. i guess very few people, i feel, could really hurt me in the deepest way. sure, deeply, but not deepest. i'm guessing people who build walls around them (a lot of people i know, mostly men) are scared of any harm. does that sound right? are women more courageous and subject themselves to possible pain just because settling a common ground with someone is that gratifying or important? (and all this, coming from the lady who used to say better alone than in bad company constantly! hahaha... oh, the changes and how far people go...) well, for those of you who know what day it is today, it's been 5 years. and i'm proud and happy and healthy. (hence, celebratory handmade tshirt by me to myself)
have a great ruby tuesday!
CURRENTLY READING:
~ she's come undone by wally lamb
~ nora's postcard of a mouse. no, of a fish. ;)
CURRENTLY EATING:
~ breakfast cereal
