Photographs: (although always best printed than viewed on a monitor)

some pictures i love from a weekend trip to buenos aires:

some good places to look for inspiration and supplies in buenos aires:

~ rayo rojo: great place to find artist books, graphic novels (galeria bond street, calle santa fe 1670)

~ papelera palermo: amazing very graphic papers, great for bookbinding, as well as any other crafts (calle honduras 4945)

CURRENTLY WATCHING: 

~ stranger than fiction

CURRENTLY READING: 
~ one for my baby by tony parsons
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
~ almost nothing besides someone hosing down a sidewalk...

i've been going through old super 8mm films of the family back in the day, aka the 70s... very nice. funny how you can SEE the love, i swear. you can tell by the snuggling and the sniffing. very nice and heartwarming. 
other than that, had an awesome intelligent and sometimes-humorous conversation today at a beautiful badly staffed coffee shop. makes me wonder if overthinking is ever a good thing. i think not. not sure though... 
also, stemming from that conversation, i'm trying to figure out the difference between therapy x psychoanalysis. does therapy try to help you deal with the reality of society vs. psychoanalysis that tries to get you to know who you are and accept that, despite society? doesn't sound accurate but it's a hunch. given the statement: "i'm unhappy" would a therapist think "how can we change that?" and an analyst think "and what's wrong with that if that's what you are right now?" does that sound descriptive and accurate? not sure. interesting, at least, to me. 
well, as always, have a good weekend. next weekend, i shall be in buenos aires again to see my bestest friendest foreverest. yay!

oh yea, and here's another amazing video that has been circulating the web. not sure i can wait for those weekly links. for now and from now on, funk-eh links will be in purple and currently somethings will continue in red. color coordinated, hell yea!
so here's the link: the third and the seventh

CURRENTLY READING:

~ this i believe by jay allison and dan gediman

so i'm very productive when it comes to list making. i've heard of a book called listography but i wouldn't go that far. i'm all for grocery shopping lists and to do lists, big fan. also a huge fan of wish lists. 

so in my head, to get this blog going, i'll reorganize my favorite links on the side bar here and also, i'll start being a friend of weekly regularity. periodically then, hopefully week by week (every monday? sunday?) i'll be posting a list of cool links i found that week through stumbling. (for those of you who don't know, click here for what stumbling is. i love it. fantastic.)

so for a starter:

great video: brilliant short

great web design + it helps unicef (or so it claims): let's get flurrious 

interaction design portfolio: matthias dittrich 

CURRENTLY READING:

~ this i believe by jay allison and dan gediman

well happy new year for those of you reading. i did take some time off but twenty-ten is here and so am i. i'm not too mystical on a new year, sometimes it just feels like yet another day, the planet, the moon, yadda yadda but still, why not hope for some good vibes to come this way? 
i hope this will be a good year with maybe some career advances, some detachments on my part because i'm sick of not letting go, some good health would be good too, seeing some friends and some traveling. yes some trips are already planned for this year. january: buenos aires. june: (if all goes well) NYC and italy for my best friend's wedding. some relaxing and being comfortable for exactly not being in control, some self awareness, minus some kilos, some baking and perhaps a new color. yea, asking pantone to come up with a new color would be a tad much. fine. a new niece or nephew will be great news mid-year, some lighter moments with some brainy depth as well. may everyone get whatever they wish for so make your wishes precise. i've gotten tragedies from poor wordings, although we all know we don't really have the power to get anything based on simple wishes. i hope i have serenity (and patience) to accept things i can't change, courage (and strength) to change things i can, and wisdom (and self preservation instincts) to know the difference. but yea, i believe i gotta focus on the serenity/patience/acceptance part... anyways, have a good new year!
CURRENTLY READING: 
~ i love coffee by susan zimmer
~ la isla bajo el mar by isabel allende
~ marie claire ideés

wishing everyone a merry christmas and happy holidays! 

today was the last day of work for this year so it feels like 2009 is over! 

CURRENTLY READING:

~ show me how: 500 things you should know instructions for life from the everyday to the exotic by derek fagerstrom & lauren smith

birthday was great. set a great tone for a new year. my brother was here, which usually isn't the case. so that's good news. had a great gathering at home with baked goods. :) i love baking. it was really between cooking school and art school. maybe someday i should remake that decision and give a cooking school in paris a shot. who knows...


other than that, been having a health-related week so that's unpleasant. did an MRI last week and i'm sure it's fine but it's still stressful. have some stressful exams this coming week. i hope it's all over soon. i'm telling ya, the post cancer crap is a lot worse than the cancer itself. cancer was easy. it's the consequences that are difficult to fix.
and the worst part of it all might be that no one really gets it. if you haven't been through something like that yourself, you cannot measure the feelings. it is there where i think empathy attempts are noble but no, not sure it can happen. sadly, some people don't even try empathy and diminish anything you might be feeling because it's too hard for them to deal with. so yea, feeling a bit lost and helpless, literally.


oh well, as soon as this week is over, it'll feel better, i'm hoping. sorry for not posting lately. i might take a bit of a vacation. i think i'm in need of one...

picture taken by a photographer and this is not even the final version. here's a few words i wrote about the experience: (portuguese and then, english)


a olhada antes da foto
para colocar em poucas palavras: foi um convite íntimo por uma pessoa segura do que está fazendo mas que se colocou vulnerável também.
rola uma preparação, um set up totalmente racional. ajeita a luz, arruma a estética da futura foto.
mas logo antes de clicar, meio segundo antes, foi de pura razão para pura emoção. rola uma troca de olhares por uma iniciativa do fotógrafo, um lado masculino que deu o 1o passo. um lado masculino sedutor mas carinhoso. bem humano, super sincero, muito honesto. muito dócil mas assertivo. foi bem “aqui e agora.” sem enrolação, sem small talk, sem mágica.
vi um olhar muito autêntico que permitiu a captura de uma essência de uma pessoa por outra. são só duas pessoas, não necessariamente marcio e julie.
não me senti insegura porque confiei facilmente. mas me senti desmontada. tirou toda minha barreira e nenhuma palavra melhor do que intimidade. senti que o risco (de ser fotografada) não era só meu, era do fotógrafo também. me senti nua na frente de 15 pessoas.
não tinha nem como aceitar ou não o convite para aquele instante. se demorasse mais 2 segundos, não sairia a mesma foto. quando você percebe tudo isso, o momento e o clique já foram. voltamos a ser simplesmente mais duas pessoas, marcio e julie, agora apenas com uma troca e uma confiança a mais.
(e para mim, sinto ainda a sorte de ter vivido um momento desses. me parece agora uma intimidade que aprendi. sinto que tenho um segredo se um dia eu  quiser ou precisar...)


ENGLISH:
the glance before the photograph

to put it in a few words: it was an intimate invitation by a confident person who knows what he's doing but who made himself vulnerable as well.
there's a preparation, a very rational set up. fix the light, get the aesthetics of the future photo right.
but right before the click, a half second before, it went from pure rationality to pure emotion. there's an exchange of looks that the photographer initiated, a masculine side taking the 1st step. a seductive but sweet masculine side. very human, super sincere, very honest. very docile yet assertive. it was very "here and now". no beating around the bush, no small talk, no magic. 
i saw a very authentic glance that allowed for the capture of the essence of one person by another person. it's just two people, not marcio and julie. 
i didn't feel insecure because i trusted easily. i felt completely taken apart. it took down all my guard and there is no better word than intimacy. i felt the risk (of being photographed) was not only mine, it was the photographer's too. i felt naked in front of 15 people.
i didn't even have the choice to accept or not accept the invitation at that instant. if we took 2 more seconds, it wouldn't have come out the way it did. when you notice all of this, the moment and the click are gone. we go back to simply being two people, marcio and julie, now with an extra exchange and confidence.
(and to me, i still feel lucky to have lived a moment like that. it seems now i have learned a kind of intimacy. i feel i have a secret if i ever want or need one...)

again, MIA. i don't do that too often... 
it's been raining rhinos and elephants (to explain the situation accurately based on the "raining cats and dogs" expression) and i had forgotten how massive the raindrops are. fun sometimes, when you're headed home. not fun when you're in your car. traffic has been so loud that i can't listen to music at home because too many drivers are stressed and letting it out on the horns. i guess i'm glad my car's in the shop these weeks, and this is one of the few moments in life when that statement actually does make sense and is true. so i've been pulling up my pants, taking off my shoes and walking in the rain a lot. makes me giggly. 
had a fantastic experience in this photography course this weekend. the photographer/teacher's website is www.marcioscavone.com.br and it's very worth checking out. he's mostly known for portraits but as one of the students put it, "he's more than just a photographer." so sensitive and generous and right before the click on that camera, so sincere and naked. amazing. i'll write some lines for him, i'm so flattered he asked for it, on what it felt like to be on this side of the camera (the photographed side) and i'll post it here as well. i don't want to say magical because that's just not true but mostly, it was very down to earth. not airy at all. it was almost a tangible moment. very eye to eye, honest, almost frank, definitely an exchange between the photographer and the photographed. it was a suggestion, it was very delicate, an easily understandable question with his eyes asking permission to take that photograph... amazing... 
other than that, major discussion at dinner last night whether or not being an optimist or in a good mood is a choice. nature x nurture again... but i believe it's a choice, a decision we make. we are always faced with at least 2 options. traffic (to take a current topic these days): you can either be grumpy and complain and let it ruin your day, or you can make the most of it, like listen to a good cd in the car and just forget about it. i was confronted, last night, with arguments that were implied that i wasn't dealing with reality and that some things do in fact suck. i agree but again, i guess i must be annoying to some people, it's your choice to think it sucks. traffic's always that bad? don't use your car, walk, bike, subway, change your route or come and go at non-rush hours... and then again confronted "but i have to get there by car and this city has traffic." yea, my reply was move to a different city because obviously your location doesn't match your values/priorities. i don't know... i have my bad moments too, of course, but it's a balance between emotional and rational in my opinion. emotional's stressed out? use a little rationality to guide yourself out... no? oh well...
okay, no more writing. i wasn't intending to write so much to compensate for not posting. hee hee... have a great weekend, buy christmas presents for your loved ones, send cards in the mail, but wear flip flops - we'll have rain!!! 

Feels a bit risky to me but I've been wondering, considering, thinking... I feel like I'm "what if-ing" too much.

But what if I want to try to do the things I love? Feels vulnerable because they're close to my heart and will suffer some judgment every now and then. But what if it works? What if I do what I love and it works out? What about drawing all day, coming up with even more creative dialogues, being a part of the contemporary art world, photographing, showing my stuff to a potential buyer, a potential gallery or at least, co-artists?
It's one of the things I'm most afraid of and it crosses my mind all the time but it's something I've never risked. I do hear we only live once...

If I could I would... silkscreen, woodcut, stamp, alter images on the computer, scan and print, sew them into beautiful inspirational (to me) artist books, bookbind, look for paper, look for references, research, visit galleries/art shows, draw all day, take photographs, calligraphy, experiment... I wonder if it'd feel like paradise or if it'd still be scary. 

CURRENTLY READING: 

~ la isla bajo el mar by isabel allende