hope it's not disappointing to simply reply to last post's comments. i still have a lot on my mind concerning risks and responsibilities and i'm at an input phase. just finished reading "the book of lost things" by john connolly. turned out better than expected and had a great ending, which i find tricky and hard to do.
replies on comments:
as far as sam said "we feel like we can do anything we can set our sights on", yes, i believe the question i posed most while dealing with cancer was "want me to fly 5 stories up?" implying that i, being the superhero that i was, could fly me to the moon if i wanted to. i think it was important and, even though highly exaggerated, healthy. the will was necessary. the situation called for it. but i don't think that it was real. (funny that i don't think it was real, but maybe... just maybe... i could've flown at some point. u never know...) but i guess my logic is: if flying is possible, then i can do the impossible. and if the cancer came back a 2nd time around, it means i didn't do a good job the 1st time. whether defeating cancer was up to me or not, doesn't seem to play a big role considering i'm the one who thought flying was possible. (i don't agree with this logic 100% anymore)
and on ian's question: "is it scarier to think that i gave myself cancer, or to think that it was totally random?" i don't think it's black and white. i think having cancer entails a lot more than control or psychology or hereditary issues. i think believing that a person gives herself cancer is a bit of overanalyzing. a lot of influences make a difference and i guess instead of focusing on why did i have it, i'd rather focus on what the hell do i do about it. i think the why? is an initial reaction that hopefully, people can get over and move on after that. i did think i had given myself cancer in the beginning but that passed quickly because i don't believe myself to be that powerful and/or self destructive.
definitely not random to have had it but to some extent, it's a rhetorical unexplainable question. try finding information on systemic constellations. it's not the answer to everything but i'm recently addicted to it. i find it solves a lot of problems, undoes a lot of the knots that we get ourselves into by mistake, by love or similar motives.
replies on comments:
as far as sam said "we feel like we can do anything we can set our sights on", yes, i believe the question i posed most while dealing with cancer was "want me to fly 5 stories up?" implying that i, being the superhero that i was, could fly me to the moon if i wanted to. i think it was important and, even though highly exaggerated, healthy. the will was necessary. the situation called for it. but i don't think that it was real. (funny that i don't think it was real, but maybe... just maybe... i could've flown at some point. u never know...) but i guess my logic is: if flying is possible, then i can do the impossible. and if the cancer came back a 2nd time around, it means i didn't do a good job the 1st time. whether defeating cancer was up to me or not, doesn't seem to play a big role considering i'm the one who thought flying was possible. (i don't agree with this logic 100% anymore)
and on ian's question: "is it scarier to think that i gave myself cancer, or to think that it was totally random?" i don't think it's black and white. i think having cancer entails a lot more than control or psychology or hereditary issues. i think believing that a person gives herself cancer is a bit of overanalyzing. a lot of influences make a difference and i guess instead of focusing on why did i have it, i'd rather focus on what the hell do i do about it. i think the why? is an initial reaction that hopefully, people can get over and move on after that. i did think i had given myself cancer in the beginning but that passed quickly because i don't believe myself to be that powerful and/or self destructive.
definitely not random to have had it but to some extent, it's a rhetorical unexplainable question. try finding information on systemic constellations. it's not the answer to everything but i'm recently addicted to it. i find it solves a lot of problems, undoes a lot of the knots that we get ourselves into by mistake, by love or similar motives.
CURRENTLY READING:
~ eva luna by isabel allende
CURRENTLY ON IPOD:
~ sunddenly i see by kt tunstall
~ sunddenly i see by kt tunstall
